Updated: Dec 24, 2021
Holy hell. This is a difficult topic for me as I have only just begun to think of my life as bipolar. I feel so inadequate, yet I feel like I need more space so I stop yelling or freaking out during points of agitation. I struggle with agitation and yelling. I hate it so much.
I have been so fast to yell at my children. I will yell over dumb shit sometimes. I say stuff to my oldest child when she upsets me and I know I am much too hard on her. In those moments, I can even slow think about what I am saying, why, and that I am losing my shit on her a little too much but I can't stop it. I keep yelling anyway. I know yelling doesn't benefit my kids like I want it to so I shouldn't do it. The problem is, I just get so angry and agitated and no matter how much of a pause I have, it still comes out the same.
My youngest child has had it easier, watching her sibling's mistakes and mostly learning. She is a terrorist though and she gets yelled at for her exhausting behaviors. I wish things could be a bit different but of course, they are not.
More on this topic.. TBC